As a parent of teens, how many times have you thought, "What were they thinking?!" Even though, long ago, we were all teenagers, it's easy to forget how we viewed things and made decisions. Until I became a life coach, I never really understood how my kids made decisions or processed things. It wasn't until I went through life coach training that it all really made sense to me.
Over the next several weeks, I will share everything I have learned about our teens' brains. Basically, why they think like they do, how they make those questionable decisions and what is driving those decisions or lack of. Understanding it all can make a huge difference in your parenting which ultimately can make a huge difference in your relationship with your teen, how you guide them and how they listen.
Until our teens are around 25, they function primarily from their primitive brain. The primitive brain likes to avoid discomfort, conserve energy and seek instant pleasure/gratification.
So let's look at how this could apply for your teens and their thinking. If they are operating off of their primitive brain this is what their world could look like...
Avoid discomfort
procrastinate for a presentation or project for class
avoid being in social settings where they feel uncomfortable
avoid ANY situation in which they are emotionally vulnerable
2. Conserve energy
not put forth effort for school
not put forth effort when faced with a challenge
not put forth effort to try and learn something new
3. Seek instant pleasure / gratification
scroll through social media
spend hours on their phones
binge watch tv
get sucked into long cycles of video games
turn to food/alcohol/drugs
Of course it makes sense that your teen chooses to hide in his room instead of come share with you that he is struggling in school or with friendships. His brain is telling him, "You will be vulnerable if you share and that is uncomfortable!"
Of course it makes sense that your teen feels totally overwhelmed over school projects, homework and activities . Her brain is screaming...."That is a lot of effort!!! Conserve your energy!!"
And of course it makes sense that your teen spends hours on his phone or playing video games. His brain is telling him, "Do the things that give you instant gratification."
Understanding this can be such a relief for parents. There is nothing wrong with your teen. He is just functioning like his primitive brain is telling him to!
Remember that this is a natural stage of growth. The way they are behaving and seeing things makes total sense in their brain. And with the right awareness, growth, education and encouragement, your teen can start to make some better decisions using another part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex. In week 2 of this series, we will dive into the prefrontal cortex and it's power to create great decisions for our teens!
Stay tuned for more!
Here to help,
Jen
If you know someone who would benefit from this info, please share with them! The more parents that we can help, the more parents we can help!
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Hi, I am Jen, owner of JCM Life Coaching. I love helping people in all ages and stages of life but I specialize in working with teens and moms. Follow me for helpful tips on parenting and life in general.
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